Ladylove, your tears are the dew on the crimson rose of my heart. I cannot do otherwise but acknowledge your concerns, even if it's part of the rule book of chivalry to soothe the fears of a beauteous maiden.
This is a scary little world and, as you whispered to me last Sunday in the urban jungle of Brick Lane, people are getting bigger. I wish it was the pavements receding. Your beauteousness relies on the christian trinity of delicate limbs, thick tresses and the immaculate glow of your skin, all emphasising a young, free and light body. How impervious may seem these high streets dominated by obese dragons. With my real eyes, I saw those terrific beasts bite into old fashioned pies filled with any sort of unguent and thick smears of lubricant dripping from the double chins of such voracious giants. Your toned arms are certainly shivering when those dragons have the ardour to cross your gait, my ladylove.
In the name of all knights errant, I guarantee my protection because the purity of your kingdom must be safeguarded. I left the pike behind to embrace the blender, milady, because the peril nowadays lay not in violence , but in the diet of the nations.
As the old saying goes, you should not feed the pigeons or give coins to the junkies whence charity aliments addiction, on the contrary if we unplug the fatty source of the greedy dragons, we set the British high street light and free again.
Your knight of skinny face will behead the greasy monster of vegetable oil! My damsel in distress,... your hidalgo will spit fire on the car-fuelling margarine.
May a wrinkly witch with a spiky nose turn me in to a goatherd if my mighty,healthy arm fails to repristinate the sanctimonious apparel of the London's sidewalks. Evil enchanters have quietly in the good old days set snares of misleading advertising above hedges and lamp posts to lure the loveliest maidens of our country into the indolence of no cooking. As an early riser and a keen huntsman from a small, unknown village of la Mancha, I can assure every volatile spirit of our juvenile that uncontrolled social media and light entertainment are chubbiness' best friends.
Be gone plumpy bodies, hanging flesh, soggy gluteus , purulent complexions! Don Brioche de la Mancha, the righter of wrongs, the eraser of bad fat, the sucker of greasiness and propeller of anti-cancer compounds - bear in mind - without spilling blood in acts of violence , will lead by example the quest of Dulcinea del Goloso to have a natural body whence health is embraced. The magical potion of extra virgin coconut oil , the plant-based proteins in superfoods and enthralling workouts fighting the menace of giants in the travesty of windmills are the secretive weapons in this journey of wellness and self discovery.
Ladylove, never abandon your glow!