I am ready to go into labour. No surety about the gender. More likely to be a girl, but I didn't want to be fully aware, maybe in a vain attempt to defuse responsibility. I can ensure you I am totally unprepared.
No!... no, I din't watch any videos or buy any book. It's a natural event, isn't it? So.... follow the flow!
I've been living in a limbo all my life. I've never loved anyone more dearly than my mother.All the same, I din't want to hold my manhood cheap and think myself accursed for not being a father.
Two names are in stock. Vincent or Eva. It may happen at any time now. I am ready to say: it was the stork.
Sugar Mama, I feel so guilty and didn't know I was a sinner before. Eating potatoes is an aberration according to the paleo vade mecum, one of the most unhealthiest stuff to eat. The humble and low-key potato is a ball of nothingness for the experts in paleo diet.... Poor me, I swear, no crisps till I die!
Paleo, the blockbuster diet in L.A. , set sail for Albion. Crossed the pond, its growing popularity is between the people who made a pond in Shoreditch: fashionistas, creative types, top models, designers, fitness gurus, super yogis.
Its healthy benefits are post-scientific and able to challenge the concept of mortality.' Why do we have to die?', the paleo doctors seem to ask the young man in the streets.
The young man walks in streets and beholds kebab shops, fried chicken shops, burger shops, hotdog stands,chips winking at you. You feel cold and you know chips are hot. They are small,cheap and quick to eat so why not?
The problem is, Sugar Mama, .... times are changing. The young man is educated, very well cultivated,speaks few languages, he doesn't even come from here. He's a newcomer, an immigrant, a parvenu. He's got gadgets and he can understand everything fast.
Some people are stubborn, Sugar Mama, they don't want to believe that McDonald's is a restaurant. What can we do?
The young man has got self discipline because he's in a new country just to make some dough. The allure of fast food challenges him, allows him to strengthen his mind. Goody-goody, smug smug. He walks past the fryers and powerfully steps in an off-licence to feed himself some little bag of nuts or seeds.
The young men are winning because now they have the technology to code health and smell immortality : the paleo diet, Ladies & Gentlemen!
Don't you believe me? Some expat customers from L.A. told me in Brick Lane, that around Hollywood everybody is after those bloody raw cakes and energy balls. Nuts and seeds, free-from... why drinking milk when kale is full of calcium?
Paleo is a catalyst of social envy. Relying heavily on superfood, there is the risk of a new generation of superhumans breeding earthy in a damp attic in east London. Comrades of Brick Lane united, beware! Don't let the posh kids outlive you because of a raw matcha brownie!
Paleo can make your legs grow longer.
Paleo can give you hair, lot of hair, retractable beards, hairy women.
Paleo smooths your skin, turns your head into a halo and gives you so much complexion.
Paleo stops the ageing process. Young heiresses, don't liquidate a fortune in botox!
Paleo is a life extension. Paleo is a slice of beauty. Paleo is a yummy mummy running with a pushchair in a park in London. Paleo is an avocado on toast. Paleo is a flat white (sugar-free,obviously). Paleo is live music unplugged. Paleo is stretching your legs, after a run, leaning to a lamp post. Paleo is crossing the road on a bicycle when the light is red. Paleo is a young lady with a six-pack on instagram. Paleo is a pair of pursed lips in a selfie. Paleo is reading a book on a bus. Paleo is a superfood salad. But mostly paleo is tending your own garden because we are scared of cancer.
..... oh, oh, nooo.... contractions, contractions! I have contractions now.... Sugar Mama, I have to go. The stork will be here for delivery soon.
Your Sugar Man